January 14, 2015 /
Written by Michael Y. Park
If you ever felt like a sap for paying $4 for a bottle of flavored water, you can now buy actual maple water to drive the point home. Or you can pick out a flavored water based on color, not taste. And why not get your dog in on the fad, too? There’s a flavored water just for Fido.
For years now, flavored waters have been the big thing in rehydration, with companies touting their vegetable- and fruit-infused H2O as “phytonutrient”-packed, antioxidant-filled, electrolyte-crammed ambrosias that’ll have you fighting off colds, embracing Mother Nature, and feeling like a five-year-old again. Cucumber water and lemon water have gone from being the mainstays of country clubs to coming in plastic bottles decorated with skinny-dipping slices. And try to tally up the number of people you know who’ve adopted coconut water as their go-to refreshment last couple years. (Or just name the celebrities who quaff the stuff, like Rihanna, Madonna, and Demi Moore.)
But it gets weirder from there. Just take a gander ….
If it works for camels and for cartoon characters lost in the desert, why wouldn’t it work as a bottled drink? The folks at True Nopal took the Nopal cactus (i.e. prickly pear) and have marketed as a lower-calorie, lower-sugar competitor to, yes, coconut water, and it’s got a fruity taste that might appeal to an even wider market. And no needles!
Canadian-based Seva describes maple water as “pure maple sap, the clear and nourishing water the flows naturally out of maple trees each spring. … It’s like drinking maple water right from the tree!” Except, we hope, the part about picking out flakes of tree bark from your lips.
Yes, of course someone came up with bacon-infused water, because the “bacon thing” is never going to end. In this case, the bacon flavoring comes in the form of effervescent tablets you added to your water to create a bubbly, pork-flavored drink. (You could probably recreate the effect by dropping a couple slices of bacon into your seltzer water.) Thankfully, these tablets no longer seem to be available.
Though Metromint’s “chocolatemint” flavor has been around for a while now, it’s still a puzzler. Is it meant to appeal to chocolate lovers who don’t actually love chocolate enough to actually, y’know, eat chocolate or drink cocoa? To supposed chocoholics who don’t want that luscious chocolate-y smoothness that’s such an integral part of the chocolate experience? Is it a scientific experiment about whether certain flavors are still appealing if you strip away their normal visual and textural cues? At least we can rest easy knowing the “guilt-free anytime delight” was made with “real mint” grown in Washington’s Yakima Valley, though the website makes no mention of the chocolate part of the equation.
Flavored Water for Dogs
You’ve probably already figured out that dog-food commercials are meant to appeal to human owners’ appetites and not canines (we don’t care how smart your dog is, he couldn’t care less whether or not his canned meal resembles beef stew or chicken pot pie). So you won’t be surprised to know that there’s a line of flavored waters for dogs. K9 Water comes in chicken, beef, liver, and lamb, (no, there’s no toilet-water flavor), and according to the California-based company that makes it, it’s “rebarkably refreshing™.” Because dogs love puns, too.